And thats a beautiful thing. You will not get to crib then that your husband chooses his family over you and he will be satisfied by doing his bit for his side of the family. Sit him down and make it very clear to him that this is absolutely not cool with you. You might get annoyed when he's at that darn video game again or watching the Walking Dead marathon until he starts to resemble a zombie himself. Even more so when and if your husband sides with them rather than you, and expects you to go along with things to keep the peace. Just counter their view with your own, firmly and decisively. Lets say that your husband constantly invites you to go over to his parents house for dinner. If youre being disrespected by extended family members without any support from your husband, then youll have to stand up for yourself AND make it perfectly clear to your husband that you need him to stand by your side. Tell your husband to ask his parents to choose one destination and the second holiday destination will be your choice. You are his wife, they are his children. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? Eventually, you feel less worthy and as if you have to compete with them for his time. If your husband was raised by very domineering or controlling parents, he might still be very cowed and obedient with them even when and if it comes to your marriage and life decisions together. So most often what happens is the husband keeps fulfilling the financial and psychological needs of his family and the wife and his own children are often asked to compromise. Women feel that they are being left alone at the time of need and they feel abandoned. Your husband might be deeply attached to his mother or is completely influenced by her but do not ever let her put you down. Men are mysterious creatures and mostly they keep things for themselves. Dont let your anger turn into resentment, Signs Your Husband Doesnt Find You Attractive, The Worst Thing A Husband Can Say To His Wife, 20 Psychological Tricks That Will Make Him Miss You. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. 3. Why is it that only the mothers in law are the ones who are the most difficult to please? Fighting wont resolve the issue at hand, ever! Those nights you cancel on me to go get drunk, please think about what is more important. He grew up with them, so things cant change overnight. Hence, the only solution here is to be firm about your stance and ask your husband to equally respond to both sides of the argument. Battle lines have been drawn, so to speak. By continuing to use this website you are giving consent to cookies being used. My husband has always catered to his family. I receive a commission if you choose to purchase anything after clicking on them. Likewise, you can come to an agreement about what would be an acceptable frequency for his guys night outs. Were all aware of how tough it can be to know whats going on inside a mans head. Rather than fighting for my dignity, you will tell me to ignore things or maybe try to justify their toxic behavior towards me. Dont try to argue with him about why hes choosing his family over his wife. Its difficult to change them now., Why you focus so on what they say. The inevitable distance between two people in love, the restless neediness of love. Things will only get worse if you let your hurt feelings turn toxic. Most of the time he is not realizing the pressures he is putting on his wife by having an entourage of relatives always at home. Unfortunately, not everyone has enough money to buy a house once they find the love of their life. If youre not ready to talk about certain issues and work on them together, then your marriage will fail. .If your husband is choosing friends over you, one way to get him to spend more time with you is to suggest spending more time together as a family. Here youll find some tips that could help you deal with this issue. If yes, then chalk out a balanced budget with your husband while voicing out your concern in a very subtle manner. What is the reason for it? Should Your Spouse Be Your First Priority? No relationship is worth tolerating abuse and disrespect for. If you see that your husband is prioritising his family and spending time with them more, then you can also start doing the same. Lisa Marie Wilson, Contributor. In account of this, we bring to you some useful pieces of advice you can take heed of when your husband choose his family over you. Loving your mother and loving your wife are two completely. I married my husband two years ago and we now have an eight-month-old daughter. That is the reason you got married. Pour your energy into hobbies and personal pursuits. It means that youre willing to give and take to make things better. Unlike when in the UK or US where mothers often stop to have a drink after work before heading home, you would always see an Indian mom rushing home from work to help her child with homework or toss up delicacies for them. A person who comes from a very large, close-knit Asian family may have a very different dynamic from someone who was raised in a small, reserved Scandinavian family instead. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. The partnership I envisioned was not the one he wanted. And then there are times when men choose to live with their parents even though they have some other options. Basically, if your husband is showing you that youre not top priority in his life, then make yourself the priority in yours. 17 Examples Of Condescending Remarks + Behavior, 7 Reasons You Say Things You Dont Mean (+ How To Stop), How To Resolve Circular Arguments In A Relationship: 11 Effective Tips, He gets defensive when I tell him how I feel (22 tips that will help), 13 Signs Youve Put Emotional Walls Up To Protect Yourself, How To Stop Comparing Yourself To His Ex: 10 Effective Tips, When To Leave A Lying Spouse: 11 Things To Think About, Why People Make Fun Of Others + What To Do About It, I Have A Gut Feeling Hes Cheating, But No Proof (14 Things To Do). His and your family will always be part of your marriage. They have to make space for them all on their own, and this process can be tougher than it has to be if the upbringing and the family structure of the two are completely different; and if people are not willing to budge or make room. One of the pillars of a healthy relationship is having good communication with your partner. Yes, that includes your spouses attachment to his family. With help from my therapist, I heard him. Remember that those people are his parents. You can sort out your feelings by talking. Theres little to zero privacy and your relationship with your husband will be heavily tested because of it. Even by those he loves. Does your home feel like a Dharamsala where relatives walk in without even calling and expect you to leave everything and make tea and snacks for them the moment they show their face? It is up to them as a couple how they work through it. He has always been prioritizing them in small ways and does not realize how much he is hurting you by giving you a second-citizen treatment. Your husband could be a mamas boy or he could be having a strong bond with his mother but that does not mean you will resent it and keep on cribbing that your husband chooses his family over you. They are there almost as soon as the first coo releases from the childs mouth. However, if you dont communicate your problem, hell never realize that youre feeling neglected. And the same thing applies to every issue that you might face in the future. That, above all, is the issue that needs to be worked out. Here are 12 things you could do to make the dynamics of your relationship with your husband vis-a-vis his family more streamlined: They could be working or they could be homemakers but it is a fact that the Indian mothers life revolves around children. As his wife, you could have been devastated by this decision but your husband chooses his family over you and tells you, looking after his family is his duty and you have to accept that since you are married to him. Heres a request to every husband out there: Stand up for your wife and protect her from the attacks that come from the people close to you. Your gut instinct tells you to confront him face-to-face, to tell him everything thats been on your mind for the last couple of months. Hell just continue choosing his family over you. Sometimes, you have to take a step back and reevaluate the situation. You can change your city from here. But God forbid you say anything about her. Your husband may even be pretty cheery when relatives come, but he can also be oblivious about you getting stressed attending to the entourage. And you dont know what to do about it. Sure, he may be very close with his blood family, but he chose you to be part of this family. Mention the necessity of keeping a marital bond intact. Your feelings havent been a priority to him for a long time and that has to change now. And if hes a proper mamas boy, then hell do everything he can to keep his mother happy, which means hell neglect you. Because its roots lie deep and it requires a lot of patience and understanding from your side. You honor your children when you put your spouse first. We share subjects that impact your daily life and we primarily discuss and write about all things related to relationships, breakups, mental health, astrology and much more. Indian mothers do not let go of their sons even after marriage, Setting Boundaries With In-laws 8 No Fail Tips, 5 reasons why the Indian family is killing the Indian marriage, 5 ways to deal with your husbands parents, The 7 Ways Mothers-In-Law Ruin Marriages With Tips On How To Save Yours, Distancing Yourself From In-Laws The 7 Tips That Almost Always Work, 8 Effective Ways To Deal With A Jealous Daughter-In-Law, How To Talk To Your Husband When The Other Woman Is His Mother, How To Impress Your In-laws In The First Meeting, 10 Thoughts That Come To Your Mind When Your Mother-In-Law Visits You, 10 Ways To Deal With Disrespectful In-laws, 15 Clever Ways To Deal With A Manipulative, Scheming Mother-In-Law. Tell your husband that if you are traveling twice a year let one be with his family and the other one be with his wife and kids. He may get really defensive, and tell you that youre being over sensitive or that things arent that big a deal. . One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. He's not even your boyfriend! Thats why your husband chooses his family over you because his connection with his family never evolved to the next level. Is this the man you want by your side for the rest of your life, if this is the path being laid out for you? In this case, women feel alone and unprotected from the onslaught of the family. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. But if theyre hurting you and making you feel disrespected, then yes this is a big deal indeed. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. You sure wont have your happy-ever-after if you do. Some people who have been immersed in this kind of family dynamic all their lives might not have any other perspective other than their firsthand experience. If you cant stand for her, let her at least stand for herself. But thats not what I mean. Husband. Create your own boundaries, your husband will start realizing what is possible and what is not possible. So why not chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out before its too late. How could you act like everything is normal? But definitely, it is also a given that you would support each other in looking after your respective families. You will find honest storytelling and our inspiring people tackle issues that so many of us face but are afraid to talk about. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. 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